Friday, July 27, 2012


This quote struck a chord with me...especially today. Because in the past year, I've had to adjust my sails.

There's something I haven't disclosed on this blog, because it's very personal & something I haven't quite fully accepted yet. But today it's about to become more real. Since my closest friends & family know, & since I've been rather open about everything else so far, I'm going to share it with you.

Last July, my dad sat my sister & I down & told us he has another son. He was from a brief relationship & my dad didn't find out about the boy for a while, but in the years since he's found out, my dad has had a relationship with him. {They've met a handful of times & talk often.} But because of many reasons--some I do & don't agree with--my sister & I were only told last summer. Needless to say, it was the shock of a lifetime & my whole world was tilted upside down.

I've been through a range of emotions in the past twelve months. I've been angry, sad, hurt...the whole nine yards. In the beginning few months, I didn't know what to believe anymore, since we'd been kept in the dark for so long. There are lots of details I won't talk about here, but nonetheless, it's a complicated situation that I never thought would happen to me & my "normal" life.

Because Dylan was flying off to Europe for the school year, we pushed the whole situation in the back of our minds. We didn't ask many questions about the boy himself--all we knew for nine months was that he is 2 years older than us & lives across the country. I know his first name & I saw a picture of him for the first time last night.

I'm telling you this because today--almost a year to the day I found out he existed--I'm meeting my "brother" for the first time.

I put the term brother into quotes because, well, although he is technically my brother, he hasn't earned that title with me yet. I still think of myself as having only three half-brothers...not four. I still consider myself having only seven siblings, even though I have eight. I still consider myself the oldest child even though, sadly, I'm not anymore. It's a lot to wrap my head around...even a year later.

I didn't think I'd be ready to meet him for a LONG time. Honestly, I still don't think I'm ready. But he's a person, he's out there, & I know he's been waiting a long time to meet his "real" family.

I don't know how it's going to go. I'm nervous & scared & anxious all in one.

I don't know how I'll react. I'll probably cry. It'll probably be awkward. I'll probably get sad all over again.

But...maybe it'll be okay. & maybe we'll have things in common & it won't be as awkward as I've been assuming it'll be. I don't know what the future holds with him.  The emotions are still fresh; I'm still working through & coping with everything. I still cry about it often. But I like to think that down the road we'll have some sort of relationship when it all sinks in a little more.

So if you have any spare thoughts today, please send good vibes to my sister & I. We've done a great job at holding our head high this year. It wasn't easy going through it all--especially being so far apart from another--but we're still all in one piece. We've been through a lot of change in our life, some easy & some tough, & are no strangers to welcoming siblings into our family.  Sister is my proudest role, so I know in my heart...we can do this.

We just need to remember to

Happy weekend.

**all pictures from tumblr


  1. I think that your level headed way of thinking has kept you very strong through this hard process. Think of it not as losing something, but possibly gaining something wonderful.... or not, but at least your putting yourself out there and you are giving yourself the opportunity to find out. You a strong, beautiful person that has a lot to offer this world whether you have 4 half brothers or 5 :)

  2. I am sending you and Dylan nothing but good vibes today. I can't imagine what something like this would do to you. I wish I had something profound and helpful to say. I saw a quote on pinterest yesterday that said "Making a big life change is scary. But you know what's scarier? Regret."
    All you can do is try. Hugs from Oz!

  3. Love you so completely. And am immensely proud of you. You are strong and brave. You are kind and forgiving. You got this.